Hey Wonderful,

So you ask: “Do positive, loving, long term relationships actually exist nowadays?”

I answer: “Yes, my Sweet. They do. But they are not for the faint of heart.”

You ask: “Have Tom and you had any rough times together?”

I say: “Of course, my Dearie. EVERY long term relationship has its rough spots!”

You ask: “What did you do when your had a difficult moment in your relationship with Tom?”

This is something I did during one difficult period:

It was about 8 years ago. We had a BIG misunderstanding.

We (yes- we are human and very real) reverted back to some old dysfunctional patterns. We ended up not speaking to one another. It was quite awful.

I felt so misunderstood and alone. Sad. Hurt. Hopeless. I felt panicked that we wouldn’t resolve this.

I judged Tom in my mind for being unreasonable and rigid.

Knowing what I know…I decided to do a WONDERFUL technique to self-calm.

Yep. By myself. Without Tom.

I did it for my yucky feelings: anxiety, hurt, sadness, and hopelessness. (I was afraid that we would never get over this.)

I did it for the misunderstanding between us.

It worked to shift me into a really happy, stable, emotional state.

That affected Tom A LOT. In a positive way. He felt better because I FELT BETTER.

Like the domino effect.

Unbeknownst to me, he then did the technique on his own, and he felt MUCH better.

Later on, we talked calmly and resolved the issue with efficiency and effectiveness.

You ask: “What was this technique?”

I respond: “I use many, many techniques! This one is called Ho’oponopono.”

Ho’oponopono

It is a beautiful Hawaiian indigenous technique that was brought to mainland USA by Dr Hew Len.

In fact, Joe Vitale explains the technique brilliantly in his book, Zero Limits.

My take on Ho’oponopono is that it is based on the idea that whatever is in our reality, we are responsible for.

If anything is in our reality we are consciously or unconsciously accountable for it.

Wow. What this means to me is that even if there is an earthquake in Haiti and we are in the United States, I am consciously or unconsciously responsible for it.

Yes. That’s right. I truly believe that whatever is in my reality, I have co-created on some level.

This includes if I hear about a bad thing happening to a friend or a client. It includes everything in my world that I notice or I am aware of.

Because I have some responsibility for it does not mean that I caused it, that it is my fault, or that I need to feel guilty about it.

It means that it is my responsibility to release whatever contribution I may have made to it, even if that contribution is only an unconscious thought or judgment.

I use Ho’oponopono all the time. It is beautiful. Profound. Deep. Simple.

And I want to share it with you, too.

Here is the protocol for Pam’s Way to do Ho’oponopono:

• Think of a situation that exists with someone that is troubling you.
• Identify all feelings that arise in you about this person and/or situation.
• Say: To God/Spirit/Nature, _____ (the person involved in the situation), and to myself. However consciously or unconsciously I am responsible for this _____ situation…
• I am so sorry.
• Please forgive me.
• Thank you.
• I love you.

Now remember, Tom and I were not speaking. First I apologized to myself for my own negative feelings.

Only when I felt better could I begin to say I was sorry to Tom. At first it was hard and I didn’t believe my words. I ‘just faked it until I made it.’

So, make it feel real and authentic. Say it with your heart. Be sincere.

Keep repeating Ho’oponopono until it feels natural and honest.

You will know when you say it whether it is real and authentic by whether you feel better or you feel a bit more positive after saying the protocol.

You can add on endearments if you wish. Like: I am so sorry, Sweetie. Or please forgive me, Honey Bunny.

So, for example, here’s what I said for my sadness:

To God, Tom and to myself: For my sadness. However consciously or unconsciously I am responsible for this sadness.

I am so sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

Then I proceeded to do this procedure for my hurt. For example, here is what I said:

To God, Tom and to myself:

For my hurt. However consciously or unconsciously I am responsible for this hurt.

I am so sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

Then I proceeded to do this procedure for hopelessness. For example, here is what I said:

To God, Tom and to myself:

For my hopelessness. However consciously or unconsciously I am responsible for this hopelessness.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

I did Ho’oponopono until I felt much better and there were no longer any lingering negative emotions left.

Then, I did it for the situation. I stated it in matter of fact terms. This is what I said:

For the situation where Tom and I had different points of view on how to handle this situation.

To God, Tom and to myself. However consciously or unconsciously I am responsible for this difference between Tom and I about how to handle this situation.

I am so sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

That’s it!

So, now please try this on a troubling situation in your life.

Rate how bad you feel about it on a scale of 1 to 10. (10 being the worst.)

Then do Ho’oponopono on it.

Rate how you feel again.

Then share what happened for you in this article by posting your comments in the section below.

I can’t wait to hear what your experiences are!

I hope this helps you on your journey of Loving Your Relationships.
Lot’s of Love and Gratitude,

Pam