The coyote was hiding in the shadows of the desert brush. It was early in the morning and I was taking my white poodle, Sophie, out on the lawn to do her duty.

All of a sudden, Sophie began to run toward the brush. The coyote began to stealthily move toward my dog. I spotted him just in the nick of time and scooped Sophie up in my arms protectively.Then, I roared like a lion and the coyote turned and ran off.

We live in the middle of of the city in Tucson, Arizona. We have nine coyotes in our neighborhood. They play with and rip up our newspapers, gloves, and anything else that we leave out. Our huge population of rabbits has been reduced significantly. The coyotes are healthy, big, playful, smart, and dangerous.

So, how does this relate to teenagers?

Just as I can’t stop the coyote from wanting to eat my dog, I can’t stop my teenager from growing up. She needs to find her own identity that is separate from me and our family. She needs to prioritize her friends or her “pack”. She needs to learn adult skills like driving and she needs to learn how to safely navigate the world with its dangers and its wonderfulness.

Let me explain more……….

My teenager and I took a road trip to California recently. It was a spontaneous trip and we left in the mid afternoon on a Thursday. It takes about six hours to get to San Diego from Tucson. However, it took us about nine hours to get there due to the weather challenges, my terror, and the need for comfort food!

My daughter has her learners permit and we thought that she could get a lot of highway driving experience on this trip. What I didn’t anticipate was the rain, the fog through the mountains, and the trillions of trucks that take advantage of the nighttime lack of traffic.

At times, while she was driving I was terrified. My neck and shoulders were not just tense but locked up. My heart was beating fast and I was barely breathing. This happened as we were passing trucks, exiting off the highway, and driving in pitch blackness in the pouring rain.

I would have felt much more relaxed and at ease if I had done all the driving. If I could have waved a magic wand and turned her into an experienced, expert driver, I would have done it!

But I knew that she needed to learn. I must admit that I found myself at times making scared noises, jumping, and not acting calm and collected like a coach “should.”

If I wanted her to master driving, I needed to calm myself down! We all make mistakes as we are learning a new skill. I couldn’t change the reality that she was a new driver. I needed to release my fear.

So, I did. How did I?

I used Ask and Receive (A&R).

We all have situations in which we are not in control. We all have people in our lives that we can’t change. We can’t change our partners, our bosses, our parents, or our friends. Only ourselves can we really change.

You can adapt this script to any emotion or situation. Here is what I did in the car (silently so that I wouldn’t disturb my daughter’s concentration):

There’s a part of my being that already knows how to heal and release this terror, what it represents, all of its roots, and its point of entry.

That part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

It is doing so now with grace and ease.

My mind, body, and spirit are receiving this information.

Information transfer is now complete.

Then I did it on some of my physical symptoms like:

There’s a part of my being that already knows how to heal and release this tension on the right side of my neck, what it represents, all of its roots, and its point of entry.

That part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

It is doing so now with grace and ease.

My mind, body, and spirit are receiving this information.

Information transfer is now complete.

And:

There’s a part of my being that already knows how to heal and release this tension in my shoulders, what it represents, all of its roots, and its point of entry.

That part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

It is doing so now with grace and ease.

My mind, body, and spirit are receiving this information.

Information transfer is now complete.

Then I went back some of my remaining emotions:

There’s a part of my being that already knows how to heal and release this anxiety, what it represents, all of its roots, and its point of entry.

That part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

It is doing so now with grace and ease.

My mind, body, and spirit are receiving this information.

Information transfer is now complete.

Then I finished off with a good, positive intention:

There is a part of my being that already knows how to feel calm, relaxed, yet alert while teaching my daughter how to drive.

That part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

It is doing so now with grace and ease.

My mind, body, and spirit are receiving this information.

Information transfer is now complete.

And another positive intention, I added was:

There is a part of my being that already knows how to communicate clearly and calmly driving tips to my daughter.

That part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now.

It is doing so now with grace and ease.

My mind, body, and spirit are receiving this information.

Information transfer is now complete.

After I did this, my daughter and I had a much better driving experience together.

Please try this in any relationship or situation that is up for you.

Let me know how it works by commenting down below.

With Love and Gratitude,

Pam